Tasha

[SilentPaws]

I have had the worst luck all of my life. First my Beauty, now Tasha. I am in Missouri with my horses now and there was a big storm on Saturday. I awoke in the morning and looked out into the front pasture and there under a tree I could see a horse on their side. I thought they had colic, I ran and got my boots and ran out there and stopped five feet away. I could not move. There lied my Tasha, my five year old previously abused and malnourished Tasha that I was going to make a show horse out of. She was struck down by lighting. Stuff had bubbled out of her nose, she was already bloated. I went to her and could hardly breathe or move due to my shaking body that had recieved far too much of a shock. I remember now as I was running out there I kept saying no as a whisper. Her glazed eye chases me in my dreams. I was the one that had to deliver the news to the rest fifteen minutes later. It was me who had to comfort everybody. And for good reason. Again it was my fault. Friday night I had heard about the storm coming in, we only had two stalls availible. One was occupied by a horse that is impossible to catch on 30 acres the other by my Tasha. Out in the corral was Leroy the donkey. Leroy was hard to bring in as he kept putting on his brakes. I decided that I would let Tasha out into the pasture with my other four horses and put Leroy in the stall. I could have let Leroy outside. He probably would have preffered it. She is dead because of my decision. Then my Nana tells me that she cannot be buried at her farm as she does not have the equipment to provide that, okay, I can handle that. But the people who remove dead horses could not come until Monday. It is on average 90-100 degrees out here right now. They tell me that they cannot remove her for 48 hours. My sister blames me, my Nana will not acknowledge the fact that my horse died and ignores the pain, my mother told me that the tree she died under was pretty and my father did not even call. I cannot do this again and yet I must. But I am ruined now. I am afraid to go to sleep at night because all I dream about is finding my other horses like that out in the pasture, or Tasha jumping up and chasing me. But I do not want to wake up in the morning because even though they are nightmares, I still get to see her. My Tasha. God has his reasons. But one was enough.

[daddysgurl9245]

I'm so sorry. Don't blame yourself, it was an accident, you had no way of knowing that that was going to happen....I'm so sorry. Do you have any pictures of her? She had a great life with you, I bet she was greatful that you rescued her. RIP Tasha. *hugs* :candle:

[SilentPaws]

she is the closest one
http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c27/phoenixspy/allh.jpg

[SilentPaws]

She is the one on the far right
http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c27/phoenixspy/tbk.jpg

[SilentPaws]

This is my Tash Tash
http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c27/phoenixspy/Tasha.jpg

[daddysgurl9245]

She's gorgeous...

[SilentPaws]

...she was

[Bilbo12]

She was a beautiful horse. I am so sorry about what happened to her. Don't blame yourself though, you had absoloutely NO way of knowing that would happen. You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I hope your family will wake up and see you need support and comfort.

[SilentPaws]

I no longer need comfort. I am my own person and can take care of my emotions and feelings. Thank you for your consolation, everyone. But I do not want pity please, nor sympathy really. It is disconcerting for me. But again I thank you all it does mean a lot to me that you care. As for not knowing it would happen. You might not believe me but I felt that something would that night, I thought nothing of the feeling as I had a constant fear of anything and everything happening to my horses after White Beauty died.

May Mother Mary look over you all.

~Silentpaws

[MokeyBird]

I blame it on the state. Misery- Oh sorry, Missouri- is a horrid state. I lived there for sixteen years and hope to never go back. Since I moved to Kentucky, my family and I are so much better off. Our horses look better and our lives are too. No offense to those who live and like missouri.

But I will give you a few quotes for you to think about, SilentPaws, and everyone.


“In the heart, there is no greater sting than watching the struggles of one you love,
knowing that only through such strife will that person grow and recognize the potential of his or her existence."
- Siege of Darkness, R.A. Salvatore

“In matters of the heart, courage cannot overcome cowardice until I am honest with myself, until I admit the truth.” - The Lone Drow, R.A. Salvatore

“Better ten days of love than years of regretting.” -The Dragon Reborn, Robert Jordan

“We are all prisoners at one time or another in our lives, prisoners to ourselves or to the expectations of those around us. It is a burden that all people endure, that all people despise, and that few people ever learn to escape.” -Exile, R.A. Salvatore

"Than I hope someday you’ll know
That they’ll never die if you’ll never grieve
Everybody’s movin’ to a place they gotta leave. . ." -Smashmouth, Get the Picture: Looking for a Wall


You seem to have been hit with a seemingly continuous streak of bad luck NONE OF WHICH IS FROM ANY FAULT OF YOURS! You could not determine where lightning would strike. You could not have stopped what made your other mare run. Some things are beyond our control. Don't dwell on the fact that you could not save your horses. Things do happen for a reason. Your choices now may help determine what you are here for. Those humans who are hit with such terrors as you have are the ones others will be more likely to turn to for personal inspiration. Rise from these hard times and you will be stronger from it. We don't grow if we don't have experiences such as these. Don't give up. I think this world will need you and others like you pretty soon.

[bubbles11]

oh my god thats so sad but it is NOT your fault really . whaere will she be buried at? I feel soo bad for you, i wish I could do more. :crybucket

[SilentPaws]

We could not bury her. It happened on a Saturday and my nana called to have these people take care of her body. We had to wait until monday for them to pick her up. They moved the body somewhere else in hopes I would not find it. But I found it. My beautiful baby girl hardly had a chance in life.

[gbald83]

sorry to hear that. She was so pretty. hope you feel better. Time will heal.

[SilentPaws]

heh heh...that statement makes me laugh. Time does not heal. Time just makes the fresh wounds scar. You will understand someday.